She Saw Red Roses and Green Trees

I took a sip of ice cold water from the freezer, and I told someone, “yes it’s been 9 years, 9 years this December.” Hard to imagine, someone being gone for that long. I looked down, paused and stared at an entertainment system, full of pictures and memories, for a minute I thought of my mother. I looked back and bravely told the people that asked me about my mom, my fondest memories of her. How much I miss her taking care of me until after my collegiate years, her frustrations and dreams, her last moments, the day of her symbolical burial.

After our conversation I continued to recall everything, looked back at the fun times we shared and the arguments we had because of our difference in philosophies. I remember all of them as if it was just yesterday, I wish things would have been different. I wish she were still here, maybe she’d be proud of me or maybe not. I may have held myself back a couple of times, even hundreds, I guess but she always will be one of my inspirations to become a better person. Her good example especially her compassion, unconditional love among others brought me to where I am right now.

Mommy, I know you can read this, I know the hardships you encountered taking care of me despite all my shortcomings and the problems I gave you growing up. I never had a chance thanking you, so right now, just like what I said during my speech at your funeral 10 years ago I would like to say THANK YOU. Thank you for putting up with me despite all the crappy things I did in the past. Sorry for being a pain, sorry for making the wrong decisions and thank you for letting me make those decisions that helped me earn my keep. I love you. If I can give 10 years, heck 20 years of my life just to be with you again, I will, just to spend one more day with you.

To all my readers, please don’t forget to say thank you to your parents, tell them you love them, hug them as much as possible, we may have differences with our parents but despite all that they love us unconditionally. Please hug them, give them a kiss, cherish every single second you have with them.

Promise Her The Moon

moon
Why am I using a classic Mr. Big song? And why the fuck am I writing? After staring at her for hours as I watched her drifted off to sleep, I felt compelled to. I can’t help go back hours before as we tried to made love in the cold night and the starry skies. I wish the moment would last forever, the warmth of her embrace and the gentleness of her touch. I wished it never ended, and lets say I died in my sleep, I would be at peace knowing that a night with her is my last memory.

I always long to fell her embrace, the moment she wakes up in her slumber. The highlight of my day spending my time with her, no matter how small, even in a matter of seconds, time stand still, the universe stops, God rests. A moment etched in eternity, a moment I wanted for eternity, no, not a moment, but a reality that I wanted. I’d rather spend eternity alone and find her in countless of lifetimes and wait for this exact same moment to happen.

Now that the day has fallen, the dark has enveloped the skies, I can’t help but get out, look at the stars, find the answers, but somehow I end up thinking of despair, grief, and even with those red roses around me. The pavements are much darker, the night winds and even the cigarette as I ponder on things can’t seem to embrace me. I’m broken I guess. I thought I was invincible. brought me down to my knees, begging and hoping, maybe crying. No, not maybe, I am crying as I look up to the heavens waiting for answers, waiting for her.

I felt that at times my words meant nothing, afraid to who I become after dark. I can’t find my way back, back to where I can sit on top of a hill or maybe the mountain with her at my side, and own the universe as we gazed at the stars. Those memories give me strength, hope, but some say hope is for the desperate, but I say hope is for those who have faith, especially to those who took a leap, brave enough to face the challenges of tomorrow. I’ll wait if I have too. take the risk or that leap if I have to, it maybe a fool’s errand but I have to, I will never ever forgive myself if I let her slip away, and even if it takes a thousand lifetimes and generations, I will try to win her back.  She’s to good to be forgotten. She’s to good to be true.