Hey CTC, ASL with Picture Please ^_^, An IRC Love Story

 

 

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Hindi ko alam kung kailan to nagsimula
Pigilan ko man ‘di ko magawa
Pasensya na kung ako ay nagparamdam
Gusto ko lang talaga sa’yo ipaalam

Namulat ako sa ningning ng iyong bituin
Ikaw ba’y totoo o isang panaginip?
Ang tadhana ay sadyang malupit
Ito ba’y kabantang ubod ng pait?

Nagpupumiglas na damdamin iyong dinggin
Inaamin ko sa’yo ako ay nahumaling
Tumutulo ang luha nakatingin sa bituin
Ikaw ba’y wala na? Kailan ka darating?

Umaasang ikaw ay makaulayaw
Hindi lang sa irc ikaw maisayaw
Kinikilig sa iyong pag-indak
Hinihintay ang matamis mong halakhak

Sa gabi ikaw pa rin ang nasa isip
Kahit anong pilit hindi maka-idlip
Hindi kita maalis sa aking gunita
Lalo na ayokong umaasa sa wala

Tula nila : Kyle, JM, Shey at Jen

 

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My New Poem

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Picture taken from Technoskeptic.com

 

Sympathy for the downtrodden
Thrown-out, ignored and forgotten
Walked a dangerous path
Caught in an endless wrath

The waves brought me ashore
Still surrounded by fiends and whores
Dying slowly, empty and rejected
Body broken, life could have ended

My soul burns everyday
My will is strong but the body betrays
I’m sick and tired of being alone
Searching for peace, scouring for home

A ray of light shines asunder
Finding my strength, my body shatters
Has my soul found absolution
An empty vessel, devoid of emotion

Is this the end of my journey?
A twisted fate worthy of a story
A distant smile greets me with hope
Is this a cruel illusion or a pain that I can’t cope

Are you my beautiful surprise?
Come to save me from my own demise
Are you my feverish nightmare?
Forever enslaved on your painful snare

 

 

The Unfortunate Case of “Hi” & Why

I may not be the best word craftsman but I’m not that bad. I can usually join a conversation with great ease, tell a few jokes, make them laugh, make them feel sad (I think) if I tell them a sad story. But at times I find myself stuck, I’m not even sure why. I don’t even know if its normal, heck I don’t even know why I’m acting this way.

At the moment, I find myself stuck, heck terrified at saying hello, recently I found out that I am not lying to myself, that I may have fallen way to deep that for a time I was denying it, maybe I still am. Maybe because I could still be denying it that it takes time for me to muster up the courage and say hi. Maybe, just maybe I am terrified, terrified if I am running with my pants down on a foolish journey with little to no chance of succeeding, a fool’s errand. Hoping for the best.

Hoping for the best. Aren’t we all hoping for something?

 

 

 

A Letter to My Mother

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Dear Mommy,

Its been a long time since I wrote you a letter. Well if you consider home made birthday, Mother’s Day and Christmas cards are letters then maybe its over 30 years. Its been a long time.

How are you? First, I would like to say sorry, sorry for all the things I’ve done while you’re alive, I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to fulfill my potential for now, I’m that I’ve gone to the deep end bloodied, broken and hopeless and it took time for me to get up and fight. Second, I’m sorry for being a bad son, I know I disappointed you and I keep on disappointing you, I have no excuses, I have no one to blame but myself.

While I was on the deep end I yearned for your embrace. I always find myself praying and hoping that somehow someway I find you standing somewhere ready to take me away, take me away from my problems, take me away from this cruel world. However the thought of you and Clarisse kept me going, kept me fighting.

Mommy, I will find a way to make you proud. I will honor your memory by being a good man, a responsible citizen and in the future husband and father. I will honor your memory by helping those who are in need of help, those who are oppressed by following what you always wanted me to be. Thank you for giving me the values that shaped me, the value of caring for people, standing up for what you believe in.

Mommy, for me you’re more than Daenerys Stormborn Mother of Dragons, greater than Queen Hippolyta of the Amazons mother to Wonder Woman, just by being Estellita K. Enola, the lady that made me aware of Marcos atrocities, the lady knight, the woman who showed me how good deeds get rewarded and the woman who let me make the mistakes I need to make in order for me to grow. In addition despite all the crap I threw at you since I admitted I am a bad son, your unwavering love kept me on the straight path, you never gave up loving me.

Mommy you proved that you don’t need a cape to be superhero and an all around bad ass. I love you, I will always love and I will always miss you. Happy Mother’s Day.

Love,

JM

Recovered Poems Part 2

If you think the first one is embarrassing, prepare to have a laugh riot at this one.

The first one was written in an alcohol induced morning back in 2008. This one was in 2005, hopeless romantic and a 22 year old version of myself, 2 days before my graduation, 19 March 2005.

 

Alone in this weary road
I summoned my strength to carry this load
As loud as the rain falls on the ground
I appeared as a fool in the crowd

I’ve always thought I have no boundaries
For I thought I was strong as the trees
Then this happened and now I’m done
Finished far second better if its none

Love helped me survive
Then gave me the will to strive
I would offer her the world
Not enough to compensate my words

Love gave me a reason to smile
And made me walk an extra mile
She gave me the reason to stand
In dark days that I needed a hand

I prayed to God not to put this to waste
But I lost my chance to make haste
The wind sends chill down my spine
And I know I wasted a lot of time

I had a chance, never took advantage
Trapped in this cramped cage
I seriously thought I have no fear
A warrior withstanding the rain of spears

Slowly the light replaces the dawn
Still I was petrified to tell it on my own
Wasted opportunities opens frustrations
Getting beat up in hazing and initiations

Fear got the best of me
A fool who thought he was a tree
I now forgot what day it was
The day my chance and now gone passed

Embarrassing!!!!

I think I still have 1 or 2 more..  Thank you for sitting through it.

Recovered Poems Part 1

First, Happy Star Wars Day to all of you. May the 4th be with you. In this series, I will post my recovered poems back when I use my now erased blogdrive blog. Pardon the lameness, I was drunk when I wrote it.

Second, I’m no expert in poetry so be nice. Thanks.

SaNity

I’m trapped in your eternity
Struggling to keep my sanity
As I cower in the shadows
I only find a dark tomorrow

Shall I end my torment?
The pain that kept me bent
The echoes of my desire
Like water burning in fire

I have to stop this plague
Everything in my world is vague
Have to make a stand
I don’t care if no one understands

Love may have failed me
A blockade to my eternal glee
I kept my pain inside
All of it I try to hide

There’s no room for sadness
She could be end this madness
The joy and inspiration to my heart
Somehow it kept me apart

This is embarrassing! ahahaha

 

Cigarette Smokes, Music Festivals and The Batman

There was a time when someone told me that I should keep writing. If I thought of something I should put it on pen and paper or in this day and age a notepad from my smartphone or tablet. Sometimes I just don’t feel writing in public, I feel uncomfortable sitting down somewhere (or in a coffee place) and just fire away. I’d rather write in privacy, listen to classical music or even rock music, instead of listening to other people chatter.

About 10 years ago I found a fuel for my writing, which is alcohol, I have to piss drunk to write something. I was able to write about 4 poems during that time, haven’t wrote poetry since I decided not to write anymore. One day I’ll post it here.

Now, whenever I write I smoke a cigarette or two, it helps me relax, think things and arrange my thoughts. I just sit there make an outline on my head then once I’m done I ditch the butt then go to my laptop and fire away.

The last music fair I attended was at UP Fair back in 2017. I didn’t get to enjoy it because the venue was muddy, hence it was difficult to stand still and enjoy the music. I was pissed even though top Filipino bands played during the festival.

My fondest memories of attending a music festivals are attending Pulp Summerslam 2 and 3, more than a decade ago, I was 19 during Summerslam 2. It was a memorable night full of music, meeting people and joining thousands of people enjoy local bands both independent and mainstream rock it out.

During Summerslam 3, I remember asking my girlfriend back then not to attend because it was bedlam there. Seeing Bamboo for the first time in years play some of his Rivermaya hits, The Dawn singing Salamat, Dahong Palay playing their own version of War Pigs. It was a blast. Now that I’m in my mid 30’s I wish I can attend one more rock festival, one more moshpit.

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Well I wrote the Batman in my title, so here it goes.

Let me state the obvious here, I’m a huge DC fan, I grew up reading DC and Marvel’s Spider-Man back in the early 90’s. Though my comic collection back then was scarce, I get my fix of superheroes through television and movies.

I remember watching the first Superman movie, until now I’m still find it an amazing movie. Then came Tim Burton’s Batman, during that time I was also watching the 1966 Batman TV show, so seeing a dark Batman movie at age 7, I was bewildered yet I still find it entertaining.

Superheroes have been a huge part of me growing up, I watched the X-Men Animated Series and I remember enjoying it, when that show met its end, the local network replaced it with Batman The Animated Series (BTAS).

BTAS has been a huge part of me growing up, while I recognize that my parents were a huge part of my morality, BTAS elevated it, caring and defending the people you love. Fighting for other people and fighting for justice.

Maybe that is why I cannot stand our President, the injustice he brought upon his critics and even the poor. I can’t find it in my heart to ignore these injustices, the pain our President dishes everyday. I can’t just close my eyes and pretend the least of my brethren suffers oppression, I just can’t.

Because people know my love for Batman and my stance against this tyranny some called me Batman. I read an article years ago, that each and everyone of us has a superhero in us. While I don’t own a Bat Mobile, a Bat Cave, I don’t prowl on criminals, I’m no billionaire playboy philanthropist or even go on brood on rooftops, I thank the people who call me Batman because they know what the Bat stands for.